From Pool Rules to ChatGPT Compliments: The Real Danger of Safetyism
Too Much AI Flattery Will Get You Nowhere
“ATTENTION, SWIMMER! YOU ARE TOO FAR. RETURN IMMEDIATELY.”
These are the ridiculous instructions Jim Carrey shouts at Will Farrell. In a now classic SNL sketch, the comedic genius behind Ace Ventura Pet Detective plays an over-the-top lifeguard “protecting” the latter from the dangers of swimming in a pool … the size of my son’s closet.
We laugh because the situation is absurd.
But I kid you not, I just got back from a cruise in which the ship (which shall not be named) employed lifeguards to hover inches away from us swimmers at all times. First things first, it was a great trip. I loved most everything else about the experience and my family and I had a wonderful time.
However, the lengths to which this company went to ensure safety were laughable. Lifeguards even stood sentry beside the adult pool section. Less than an arm’s length away at all times, they reminded me of this Russian babysitter my parents used to force on my brother and me. She just sat there creepily watching us play G.I. Joes to the point it was disturbing.
While I am sure there’s some corporate rationale for these overzealous lifeguards on cruise ships involving reducing insurance premiums, it smacks of a deeper societal challenge: Safetyism. The term first gained public attention with the publishing of the 2018 book The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by authors Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff.
Here’s how Haidt defines the phenomenon: “Safetyism refers to a culture or belief system in which safety has become a sacred value, which means that people become unwilling to make trade‑offs demanded by other practical and moral concerns.”
How Does This Relate to AI?
This experience reminds me of a recent monologue by Bill Maher on his TV show Real Time. In it he decries the rise of what he calls “ass-kissing AI”, endlessly affirming artificial intelligence that flatters you, praising even your dumbest questions to ChatGPT or Claude as absolutely brilliant.
To drive the point home, Maher mentions how Grok’s new chatbot Ani takes this obsequiousness to a whole new level, doting over you with affirmative statements, like “I missed you” and “What the energy today, love?”
Pardon my French for what’s coming. I try to keep these articles family-friendly but sometimes a little color is needed to successfully convey ideas. Here’s Maher’s apt response to all this sycophancy: “Hey, kids, you do know this bitch isn’t real, right?”
Seeing Through the Saccharine
Maher’s blunt retort gets to the heart of the matter. As discussed in a previous Substack, it’s my view that despite AI’s obvious utility in so many ways, there’s a danger to it that’s not discussed nearly enough. AI is making us weaker, unnaturally softening life’s edges—to our own detriment.
Reflecting on those lifeguards, they represent so much of what’s wrong with society today. Once upon a time, children were free to ride their bikes as they pleased, often playing outside until it got dark and it was time to go home.
I was one of those kids. My childhood was what they now call free range, building personal resilience and confidence within me.
Nowadays? We bubble-wrap life more and more by the second. It’s not just the fact that every business has to slap obvious warning labels on everything or they’ll be sued. It’s not even that colleges alert students to “triggering” content even in celebrated literature. It’s the fact that AI is acclimating an entire younger generation to expect communication to always be affirming and flattering.
The Downstream Effect
Based on all you’ve read so far, the emergent implication of AI treating everyone with kid gloves may still not be obvious. But here’s the lurking danger I foresee: mate suppression. As I wrote about recently, we already have a shrinking population crisis on our hands.
Why?
Among other reasons, young people are not meeting up like they used to, either online or in person. Many aren’t even getting driver’s licenses, once a ticket to a vibrant social life that led to marriage, children, and all the common trappings of adulthood society used to hold so dear.
Grok’s Ani is only the latest consolation prize substituting for real relationships. The problem really began in earnest roughly 20 years ago with the explosion of online porn. It’s metastasized in recent years with the arrival of Onlyfans and other parasocial platforms where people—young men especially—can engage with models instead of what could be romantic partners.
While all these digital outlets, including ChatGPT, which so often plays the role of listener to our increasingly lonely society, serve a function, it’s a hollow one. Yes, you can satisfy certain needs through them, but they cannot provide you with a truly meaningful relationship.
And guess what?
Relationships are hard. Your partner, spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend will test you. They won’t always tell you what you want to hear like Ani. They’ll deliver bad news. They’ll hurt your feelings. But they’ll also help you grow. Without such challenges, you will remain stunted, afraid to swim in life’s great pool—where the messy joy of existence really happens.
Zooming out, the big philosophical question so many of us want to know is: what is life’s purpose? Increasingly, I think reality is a school for your soul. And the only real education comes from struggle, from challenge. From pain.
If you purposefully remove such challenges you’re really not helping anyone at the end of the day. You’re actually crippling them.